Team
1
It’s dizzying how much I’m indebted to you. Not only have you written one of the great works of internet fiction, but you’ve put more effort into the scene than anyone else — great things move through your hands and under your auspices. I was shy to meet you in-person but you’ve turned from someone I deeply respect into someone I deeply admire. You’re a preternaturally skilled advisor (and how is that fair, on top of everything else?), but even more: anyone can see the fundamentally good and true soul leaking out in everything you do. Maybe it’s a Midwestern thing.
2
I couldn’t have asked for a better headmaster. Your evening guitar was a stellar accompaniment to late-night sprints; I felt as though I were writing with bardic inspiration. I’ll miss your dry remarks and obvious care to make the program the very best it could be.
3
You’re one of the most self-actualized people I’ve ever met. Thank you for bringing your energy to Inkhaven, it made a difference. I’m slightly sad you didn’t name your kid Vriska, but of course — you’re too good a father for that.
4
Thank you from the bottom of my heart; I’m at Inkhaven in large part because you encouraged me so strongly to apply. Somehow trying to impress a girl has turned into the happiest month of my life: you’ve changed the course of my life forever. Here’s to many more meetups!
Advisors
5
You lounge around like no one I’ve ever seen. I aspire to such artful langour.
6
I’m fascinated by how self-assured you are; it’s as if someone had the perfect childhood, grew into a charmed life, found their passion, and everything just fell into place. If that’s wrong, then I’m only the more impressed at how you seem to know exactly what you were put on earth to do … thanks for showing me what the top of Maslow’s pyramid looks like.
7
It’s a small world; I didn’t expect our mutual friend. I’m sure we’ll see more of each other.
8
You’re a machine at crosswords. That’s all I wanted to say.
9
I don’t think I’ve ever told you this, but you’re my favorite living author. It was an unexpected joy to meet so many other fans at Inkhaven, and an even greater one to meet you in person. Thanks for making the trip; I’ll forever treasure the memories — and the autograph.
10
I never expected an economist to have such an ardent love of poetry! Thank you for sharing that passion with me; it was an utter pleasure to meet another verse memorist and listen to your stories.
11
I can’t believe I met the SCP author I read when I was eleven. Thanks for being super cool, and for running the weird movie nights … they were indeed as weird as advertised.
12
I’ve been getting book recommendations from you since I was a teenager; I appreciate your indulgence of my disagreement on the subject of Moby-Dick. Speaking of, you’re the first person I’ve met in person that reads more than me — thanks for reminding me that there’s always a bigger fish!
13
There are no enemies among David Foster Wallace appreciators.
14
Thank you for being the first to look at Genome; it was your encouragement that gave me the first flicker of “maybe I actually have what it takes.” You’re living out my childhood dream of writing books while, somehow, simultaneously, saving the world … you’re an utter inspiration.
15
I’m fascinated by how strangely you rub up against the world — it’s the sort of hyper-sanity that looks to other people like insanity. We’ll still go to that music store one day.
16
I believe you gave the most talks of any advisor; thanks for giving us excuses to gather.
17
Thank you for considering me as WordPress chair (the funding certainly was a weight off my mind) — but more than that, it’s your kind words that one evening that stick with me. You’ve made me reconsider what I want to spend my life doing.
18
I knew at the Tao Te Ching quote that we’d vibe. And vibe we did.
19
I’ve been reading you since I was 14; it was a dream to get your eyes on my writing. Thank you for treating it with kindness and — (more importantly) — precision.
20
You may be a rarefied cinephile, but you listened to my avid pitches for the Super Mario Movie and Instagram Reels; thank you for that indulgence. It’s a rare pleasure, also, to meet someone who so closely shares my taste in literature — I’m on a tear with your recommendations right now!
21
Shake & Bake is genius, and convinced me that I’d found my place. It was a tragedy to lose you so early in the month; you have that rare energy that gets things started. I hope we meet again soon in your travails as a wandering empiricist!
Residents
22
I don’t know you very well, but I know you love your wife! Condolences about being the only Bavitz fan at Inkhaven that didn’t get to meet Bavitz … we’ll rectify that one day.
23
Partner dance, you say? I’ll give it a shot. Thank you for being such a positive presence in the program: your jollity was always welcome, and few people could’ve ran Speedhaven so well. Though I must say I hope your breakup advice doesn’t prove too useful…
24
We never met, but I saw your face, and it’s one of the friendliest faces I’ve ever seen. It’s a shame to see it so stressed; I hope you can work to save the world without drowning yourself.
25
Thank you for bringing some Scottish excellence to these dark lands. Your savage streak gives you the air of a barbarian scholar, and I mean that in the greatest way possible. May you sink your teeth in the necks of your enemies — or their blogposts.
26
You’re a siren, you’ve touched dark things, you were the perfect complement to our Apollonian natures. More than anything else, I admire how effortlessly your energy emanates; thank you for gracing us with it. Go and intimidate the world next.
27
I can’t stress enough that driving your car was a spiritual experience — God bless the American Empire! I was always up to some shenanigans around you; the night drive, the Nepalese corner store, the fire escape … that, more than anything, is the sign of a good friend. Thanks for sharing those moments with me.
28
You sort of scare me and you could definitely beat me up, but I’ve met few people so likably outspoken. If anyone synthesizes genderkino in their secret laboratory, it’ll be you.
29
You may be a lizardlike man from the desert, but you’re also one of the most even-keeled and friendly people I’ve known. You’re also unparalleled at ferreting the strangest stories from history; go get some YouTube videos done!
30
I will admit: when I saw you I got all excited about getting some elderly wisdom. Unfortunately, your soul turned out to be too spry! Thank you for sharing the daruma ritual with me; it made a special occasion even specialer.
31
I don’t remember who, ultimately, was the genesis of Drinkhaven — but I think I’ll lay the blame at your feet. Thanks for bullying me; I need it or my head gets too big.
32
Masaaki Yuasa enjoyers are jewels, every single one. Could I have had a better roommate? Certainly I could’ve been a better one myself — apologies for the weird hours. It was nice to meet a countryman, regardless, and good luck with getting out!
33
I don’t think I ever met or saw you around, which makes me imagine you grinding monklike at the keyboard until your koans are koan enough to crack open skulls … Godspeed.
34
I made sport of calling you “high-variance” but the truth is I just think you’re really cool — thanks for taking it as well as you dish it out. Deep down, we’re very similar people, with similar experiences. Hopefully this means I’m about to become a bachelor of leisure travelling the world, too.
35
I admit, under duress, to a curmudgeonly first impression — but it was a delight to discover your lightness and levity, too. You’re absolutely right about Hong Kong … I really should. More than your consistency and ambition (which I do find remarkable and inspiring), it was your open-mindedness that struck me; despite our occasionally jesterly poses you treated us zoomers with seriousness and respect. That I will always remember and appreciate.
36
I stand by it: you look like a mobster. Don’t break my kneecaps.
37
Every social scene needs a designated Chief Weeb; we appreciate you serving in that capacity for Inkhaven. And with such a bright smile, too!
38
My fellow chair, it was a pleasure to play princeling to your majesty. Your soul is obviously oceanic; I look forward to seeing what you make next.
39
You have the highest verbal intelligence of anyone I’ve ever met. You come at people from right angles; you spin the world around when you talk. I told you I don’t know how you’ll ever live harmoniously in human society, but I’ll tell you now that you deserve it. Thank you for being a brother to me at Inkhaven.
40
You have this way of giving the person in front of you the whole of your attention and it makes them feel like the center of the world for a second. Be careful with that power! And thank you for being a good friend.
41
I only spoke with you once, but I never saw you anything other than joyful and ecstatic. Thanks for showing me just how incandescent someone can be — and for karaoke.
42
I once recognized you from far away just from your saunter. Keep sauntering.
43
I’ve never seen such old man swag in one so young … one day I’ll challenge you, and we’ll see who’s really champion codger.
44
Your German accent was a soothing tether to European life; I’m not sure I could’ve survived full American immersion without it. Thanks for keeping me sane.
45
There are two Inkhavens; the Inkhaven in life and the Inkhaven in memory. The first would be far worse without your smile, and the second would be much smaller without your chroniclings. In time the second Inkhaven will eclipse the first, and I will only know it through your photographs. Your gift to us might be the greatest. Thank you.
46
I know it’s not what you’re looking for, exactly, but if anyone finds the glitches in the matrix that prove we’re in a simulation, it’s you.
47
I swear you were made in a lab by Soviet scientists for the sole purpose of making me laugh. I can’t describe the depth of my affection; I see you as one of the Daoist sages on the long road, for whom the world saves her adventures, so full of humanity that it spills over the brim, with the effortless gift to roll every moment into a timeless pearl — and a penchant for the gork, too. Thanks for being my best friend at Inkhaven.
48
After years of living in barbaric lands with foreign tongues (Europe), it was a pleasure to use unusual words again knowing you would catch each one. Thank you for that. I still don’t believe your real age, though.
49
I can’t tell you how much joy your rantposts gave me. Write from the heart, man.
50
I account it a shame we never spoke; I’ve found out since that you coined a mnemonic I’ve used for years. Thanks for that!
51
I said you were wise. Maybe what I meant is that I admire your reverence for the soft and bright things in the world, because I know it was hard-won. You’ve known sadness close, as have I. The angels were weeping to see us take so long to become friends … you’re one of the ones I miss most.
52
Thanks for letting me go line-by-line on your story pointing out my irks. Let me say it yet again: you should write more fiction!
53
Your last dozen posts are very mysterious. I wanted to ask about them but never got the chance. If this is a lesson in accepting the unanswerable mysteries in life, I want my money back.
54
Thanks for being such a good sport in your execution. I confess I’d hoped to see you drenched in ink … the strength of performance was enough to make up for it. Mostly.
55
Your suit was so spiffy I’ll be honest I thought you were a writing advisor the whole month. Whoops!
56
Some people just have lantern souls. You’re one of them. I’ll visit you in Switzerland sometime.
57
I forgot to mention this but you have one of the coolest names of anyone I’ve met. It’s a crime you kept those torrid stories of champion fencing until the end; one day I’ll make you spill more.
58
I said that you exude the most writerly aura of all of us and I stand by that. If I had to bet on seeing one of our faces in a bookstore inside-jacket one day, it’d be you.
59
It’s of course impossible to judge, but I suspect your advice on ergonomics will save me a lot of pain — thanks for that. Your steadiness and smile were a delight.
60
I mean this as a compliment: my first impression of you was that of an alien who through long and dedicated study had managed to adapt to human society successfully. Even ambrosia would envy your foccacia, but I remember our conversations just as fondly. If the next time you see me I’m absolutely ripped, you only have yourself to blame.
61
There’s something about having a kid running around that just brings joy to a place. Thank you for the opportunity to play peek-a-boo again.
62
Your impassioned defense of our sentenced comrade made the Fair what it was. A case study in the excellence of technical cameos!
63
Meow :3
64
Whenever you enter a room the genre turns gothic. You’d make a great corpse bride.
65
We agreed that if anyone were dramatically murdered it would be you, simply because it would tear everyone apart. I count you among the best friends I made in the month. Thank you for being our bondsmith; you were an Inkhaven institution.
66
In retrospect, socials followed two main orbits: literature and the clocktower. Thank you for erecting the second; it was a welcome respite.
67
I forgive you for tearing my shirt off so fast the button came off … but only because it’s a funny story.
68
I expect you have several copies of that yellow shirt, but it’s funnier to imagine it’s just the same one every day.
69
I fully believe you will change the world one day.
70
Gen X SHOCKS zoomers by speaking FLUENT brainrot! Beyond that, I particularly enjoyed your writing, too.
71
I don’t have the words to say what I’d like. Instead, I’ll just note that you’ve written some of my favorite stuff; that you have a real gift; that you’re half the reason I came; that you’re a joy to be around; that you wrote the best piece of the program; and that I hope we meet again in better circumstances.
72
You’re the most likably disagreeable person I’ve met; it’s an interesting admixture. And it makes for good blogposts!
73
You have the perpetual aura of someone about to snap and bite the heads off everyone around you. It’s great I love it! But please don’t.
74
You were a vision on stage; it enlivened all our performances. Your sardonic, full-throated attitude charmed me, and I wished we’d spoken more. I’m glad I didn’t bogwitchify you too much.
Alumni
75
I can’t be sure whether I’d’ve made my flight without your lift, but just in case: thank you, profusely.
76
The oddest thing, to meet the scriptwriter of videos I watched as a kid ten years ago. Though I wish you luck in bigger and brighter things, I’ll thank you first for being architect to my nostalgia.
77
Vampiric and well-moisturized: that’s how I’ll remember you. Thanks for the smoothies.
78
Though you keep it cloaked, every so often you flare your soul, and it’s as romantic as I’ve ever seen. I deeply appreciate the handwritten note; it made my day!
79
I have such a reverence for your fiction — sometimes you seem to be the only science fiction writer in the world actually paying attention to it. You’re a model for what I want to do and be. Thank you for the advice and encouragement; there’s nothing in the world like someone you truly respect telling you that you have talent.
80
You of the many departures: I regret to announce “Goons the Memorious” was not an auspicious introduction, but I treasure few conversations as your holistic review; I had my eyes almost screwed shut to pay better attention. It’s rare to meet someone who reads so widely, and even rarer so deeply. I’m not ashamed to name you a role model.
To all of the above
I extend an open invitation to knock on my door if you find yourself Swissways, or Amsterdammed, or in Europe generally. Do keep in touch — this is the only the start.