I’m out of my mind in pain lying on my back because while I slept last night these stupid pillows were so awful that I injured my neck and shoulder or something during the night and it’s been torturing me the whole day. I have nothing interesting to say.

I had many good ideas, but I just can’t do them justice in the state. Instead I will simply speak into my phone and you can imagine the agony behind the words, all 500 of them.

I’m frustrated to waste the opportunity. I feel that I’ve warmed up and I’m full steam underway and I have the perfect pressure to keep writing, but I’ve tried all day to get something useful out and I’ve not been able to connect two brain cells together. I’ve just been reading instead.

This is not even just a slop post, it’s a meta slop post. I should go to double jail. I considered briefly taking something out of my drafts and pretending as if I had written it today, but as I am a high integrity man, I have elected instead to, like the artists of old, channel my pain and suffering into art, which is to say the inane ramblings you see before yourself today

What’s even worse than the pain is that I’m going to have to look people in the eye tomorrow and know that instead of my instead of the respectably mild bangers I’ve been putting out so far I resorted to this. Forgive me friends

This is actually humiliating. I’m not even using the pain to write anything interesting like a mystic reverie or short story. I’m just yapping into my phone like a — and I can’t even finish that simile because I have lost 50 IQ points to the constant pain. Kill me now.

And I don’t delete things off my blog either for some stupid bullshit reason (“propagating into the lightcone”) so I’m going to be stuck with this shame forever. Some future version of me is reading this and smiling. KILL YOURSELF IMMEDIATELY.

That should be in all-caps. I am imagining having to sit up and fix the punctuation to this blog post before publishing it and I am overcome with dread. But needs must; where would I be without my beloved em-dashes and semicolons?

I took 500 mg of ibuprofen an hour ago (even though I’m opposed to painkillers) and it has done absolutely squat. I’m praying for it to kick in any moment now so that I can sit up and tryhard something in the last two hours … anything would be better than this. My friends, know that if you’re reading this I have failed.

Hopefully I can make up for it by publishing some extra pieces in the next few weeks.

There’s nothing interesting to say about pain or rather I’m sure there are interesting things to say about pain but not while you’re in pain. I don’t even think that right there was an interesting thing to say about pain.

(Note: In the end I did manage to dash out a post in the last two hours of the day, but I thought I’d share this as a psychological curiousity anyway)